I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize