hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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