Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
