Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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