Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
