What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
