I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
did i walk over a car last night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
