I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E