sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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