I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes