Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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