i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
