billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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