Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
