Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Come on in and take your pants off
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