My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
