Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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