you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
