Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
