everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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