Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
