Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
