I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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