Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will be naked everywhere
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
