Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize