Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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