I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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