It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
