Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize