Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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