I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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