I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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