the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
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Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive