My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.