Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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