do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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