Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot