I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.