i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.