So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
