im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
