Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
