Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
