My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
