the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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