Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She told me I should be a condom model.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
