My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
