So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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