im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
