Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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