She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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