i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
