I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
