I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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