Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
