I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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