apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
