she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
