Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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