Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
