Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
