Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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