it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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