There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
