I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
