I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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