with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
