i think i have two assholes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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