1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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