Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
