It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
