how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
