I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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