She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
