Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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