I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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