So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
