How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
