I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
