guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
