Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
