So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize