i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
