you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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