Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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