sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
